MAY. SINGLE. BORN & RAISED IN LA. LEGAL BABY. GRADUATE '08. UCSD '12. GOOD TIMES & RELAXATION. LOVE LIVE LIFE PROCEED PROGRESS. HELLA OLD XANGA. SAME OLD GIRL.<3
AND SO IT ENDS. The year that ultimately changes your life. Who you are. Everything you stand for... FRESHMAN YEAR- memorable. eye-opening. reassuring. doubting. everything I could ask for and more.
What I've learned:
Friendship; it's truly hard to find who is down for you and who isn't. It's not about talking the talk but walking the walk. All this year, I've longed for a best guy friend; in many ways, my brother has fulfilled that spot in my life but now that he's in LA, SD is just not going to be the same. I want that best guy friend to look out for me like I'll look out for him, someone who knows where I'm coming from, and someone with substance. SD can be loving, fun, and amazing, but also selfish, homesickening, and full of fear. Reassurance would be nice...but then again I hate being dependent on others- most of them just flake anyways. Is it really too much to ask? To find some down ass people to kick it with? Anyways, it's just mi$$ independent for now.
Academics; I started this year with a 3.2 and ended with a 3.7; just enough proof to myself that I can handle college just like I did high school. Work hard, play hard.
Money; I need to set goals for myself. Double jobs maybe. I hate asking for money. Definitely need a job to maintain my lifestyle...such a $pender.
Love; It's not the right time for me to pursue love...plus the healing process allows time to do its thaaang.
Faith; Definitely not been upholding the Buddhist values but....I still respect people and keep karma in mind.
Family; Leaving home was hard- but not THAT hard, for me at least. It's not really a "home" when you're part of a broken family. I didn't talk to my dad for a while again, since he left without saying bye when he decided to retire in Asia. I know he's a good man, time still heals open wounds. My mom told me some life-changing news today. All I can say is that it would be selfish of me to want anything else besides her happiness. And that's what I told her, "Do whatever your heart desire, and whatever will make you happy. If you're happy, I'm happy."
Friends from home; So today I moved into my brother's place. I texted 50 people; and got 2 maybes and 1 forsure. Now I know it's arbitrary to think of it any other way but...that kinda blows. I haven't really seen any HS friends but I really hope I do when I get back into the groove of things. Maybe a lot has changed...maybe a little.
Myself; Am I still the person? Did college make me into something I'm not? College did change me; not drastically- under all the tacky clothes I wear, I'm still the same girl. The same heart. The same intentions. I might just talk a little bit different with some slangs here and there, but it's all the same. I'm indulging upon what college is all about. And no one has a right to judge me, just like I don't have a right to judge them. I realized I don't have to be out until 3AM raging or watch a movie with my homegirls to be happy. I want a hobby. & I want to make my momma proud. Reality snaps at you when you get back to your hometown of who you used to be and how you're different. Personally I think I'm a little more awkward with a higher tolerance, nevertheless the same strange girl.
SUMMER '09 PREDICTIONS: - when i'm in LA, i'll wanna go back to SD & vice versa - new hangout crew - more sober times - EDC! poppin' cherries! - roadtrip to $F - managing & jobtime = most of my time - irvine trips for wifeyy! - fitter? i'll try? haha - beachtime darkness - really get to spend time with people I miss in my life. <3 - shopping (even though I should be saving because I want to spoil my little!) - more that I can't think about because I just took antibiotics and moved for the whole day! >.<
GOODBYE FRESHMAN FEELINGS. READ YOU IN A COUPLE MONTHS OR SO.
HELLO SUMMER '09!
- HEIST - EX PARTY - KICKBACKS IN SD - KANDIII MAKING - UNDIE RUN - CULVER GRADUATION - ROSCOE'S - MOVING INTO BRO'S NEW PLACE - MOREMOREMOREMORETOCOME!
Woke up, went to chill with Wes, talked to his mom, folded clothes, came back to LA, worked out, pigged out on isda and kanin, TFC, found out my roommates. I guess it made it just that more real, than surreal.
WEDNESDAY:
I seemed to have lost a day? >.<
THURSDAY:
Woke up with my whole closet piled on the living room floor. Attempted to fold most of them, but then went with Shaunna to USC to visit Alexia && Timmy. Also got my navi fixed at 6autosound :D Smelled the essence of USC and their pride. Hot as fcuk but still really nice. Afterwards, went to a Reggae fest in Santa Monica with Shaunna, Katie, and Cienna and then to Matt's to just chill. I've been feeling sick from that morning up until now, and I'm about to work a double shift at Hellister.
It's like the time's going way too fast. It's like everybody just wants me to fuck up. It's like again, I'm growing up too fast, or maybe, not fast enough. It's like loneliness with a shot of insecurity. It's like catching sand with stiff hands. It's like watching something bad happen, paralyzed. It's like the unfolding of our lives.
WEDNESDAY 7am work shifts wesley visited me at work
THURSDAY 7am work shifts gym in the AM marina del rey classical sunset dinner clubbin' at element / chyna's 18th [jay's first]
FRIDAY saw my lynchie pie
SATURDAY
ice cream boba & pizza 'cause the gym was closed.
SUNDAY
Kent's reverse surprise session watched the closing ceremony
TODAY
Today was a really fun day with Josh&Lheane. 1. waking up at 7:45am to choose my classes 2. freaking out because I couldn't log in 3. driving to Lheane's franctically 4. figuring out how to do alluh dem 5. showering with Lheane ;) 6. homebound 7. SMC 8. Subway (making fun of rolly backpacks, seeing old classmates, eating in front of the pizza place, "mommy &daddy" 9. Promenade (urban, forever, house bunny, abercrombie [personal favorite, posing & family pretending]) 10. Bank 11. Westwood (cousins&baby of josh) 12. Century (pasta y borders y talks) 13. Gym (long talk with the trainer) 14. Home, shower.
